Fark’s annual headline competition has some great candidates;

Suicide bomber strikes Iraqi funeral. At least two dead

Peephole in door of girl’s dorm room reversed; police are looking into it

Baghdad’s National Museum reopens six years after looting. Featured displays include mostly a bunch of really heavy stuff

Plane crashes in Florida panhandle, no pilot found. Well there’s your problem

Carpenters face higher-than-average asbestos death rate, higher-than-average resurrection rate

Police find severed head, will later reveal whether it’s “linked to body parts found in Hertfordshire.” Submitter suspects the answer may be “Not any more”

Man at Panda Express eats shoots and leaves

One killed, six injured in pie factory explosion. Blast heard up to 3.14159265 miles away

Man gets called into work so he can be fired, returns home to find his house on fire. Wishes he had been laid off

Fire rips through homeless camp, leaving dozens…well, no worse off, really

Fire officials in SoCal wildfires: “GTFO.” Residents: “STFU.” Fire: “NOM NOM NOM.” Residents: “OMG.” Fire department: “DIAF”

80-ton wave generator works briefly as advertised when it falls into the ocean

That foot found at a NY recycling center? Turns out it belonged to a bear. You’d think police could recognize a bearclaw when they see one

http://www.fark.com/cgi/comments.pl?IDLink=4605340

India loses contact with an unmanned spacecraft conducting its first moon mission. Support techs ask Mission Control to confirm that the spacecraft is turned on and that it is currently plugged in

Police in London solve 1 crime for every 1000 CCTV cameras. Or about 2 for every 1984

Gas blowing out exit brings 69 to a complete halt

Jesus prepares to receive Oral

Bolivian animal rights activists succeed in banning circuses from using animals, but now have to figure out what to do with 22 useless lions, a problem Detroit has faced for years

Small plane rapidly plunges into bottom end of Virgin Islands, to be renamed Technical Virgin Islands

Semi-nude Victoria’s Secret fashion models reveal untold talents and you’ve already clicked the link, haven’t you? Have I told you about my mother lately? No, she’s doing fine, just making cheesecake and some muffins this morning