• Creationist Poetry 101

    by  • 12/9/2009 • humor • 2 Comments

    I took a break from reading the Hovind Thesis, and was going to hold off on posting anything until I got the full thing edited into a nice text file to post. I’ve found the best part of the whole thing starting on page 82. It’s a poem. Yes, a poem that Kent composed to compare atheists to the blind.

    Two blind men argued well into the night

    about the great question, “Is there really sight?”

    Said one to the other (and quite fervently)

    “There cannot be colors or else we could see!

    So take red and green and blue off the list.

    If I cannot see them, they must no exist.

    A crazy man told me the sky is bright blue.

    I listened intently but I caught no clue

    of anything out there to alter my mind.

    I’m not deaf you know, I here perfectly fine.

    Be quiet and listen, and then you will know

    that colors aren’t real. How dare they say so?

    They tell me that grass is some sort of green.

    It looks like the rest of the world that l’ve seen!

    It tastes a lot different than jelly or cheese

    (if I smell it too long it sure makes me sneeze).

    It feels a lot different that ice cream or snow

    but to say that it’s green? I’d have to say no.

    I will not believe it until I have seen.

    There isn’t a difference ‘twixt red, blue or green!!

    And so the men argued with all of their might,

    and I couldn’t show them that they were not right.

    They cannot see colors because they’re blind!

    But I couldn’t get the truth in their mind.

    Until they are given the great gift of sight;

    never, not ever, will they see the light.

    Two atheists argued (on university sod)

    about the great question “Is there a God?”

    Said one to the other (and quite fervently)

    “There can’t be a God or else we could see.

    So take that old Bible and God off the list.

    If I cannot see Him, He must not exist.

    Be quite and listen, and then you will know

    that God is not real, how dare they say so??

    A crazy man told me God lives up in Heaven.

    I used to believe that when I was just seven.

    But now that I’m older and wiser you see,

    I will not believe it. You can’t prove it to me.

    I cannot sense God with sight taste or smell.

    I do not believe in Heaven or Hell!

    I’ve never heard God or felt Him at all.

    If He’s really up there, I wish He would call.”

    I said, “Listen fellows, you’re spiritually blind.

    You’ve only five entrances into your mind.

    That limits your input. I wish you could see.

    You can’t fathom God or eternity.

    There are lots of things that really are real.

    It doesn’t disprove God because you can’t ‘feel’.”

    So you two can argue the rest of the night.

    There’s no way to show you that you are not right.

    When you get to Heaven (or Hell if you please)

    you’ll understand God as you fall on your knees!

    I wish you could see Him or hear Him somehow.

    But that isn’t possible where you are now.

    To deny His existence is really absurd.

    You’ll have to believe Him and trust in His Word.

    Logic aside, sense aside, it’s epic in its badness. This is nearly B-Movie quality badness at its best. I almost want to see a musical version of this paper. Maybe we could get Torchwood’s John Barrowman for the lead role of Kent Hovind, Doctoral candidate?


    2 Responses to Creationist Poetry 101

    1. 12/10/2009 at 12:18 am

      I also notice that it has the Dr. Seuss meter and rhyme. Half expect him to launch into something like this at any moment:

      “I do not like your God,” said he,
      “I do not like Him on a tree.
      “I will not worship in His house,
      “I will not pray to Him like Jan Crouch.”

      “But would you, could you, when you die?
      “Would you praise Him for some pie?
      “He died for you upon the cross –”

      “Phooey! ‘Twas no giant loss!
      “I do not like your God,” he fizzed,
      “I do not think he even is!”

    2. xinit
      12/10/2009 at 1:40 am

      I think I prefer your approach, Mr. Subjunctive. A mention of a prohibition against green ham would have been a nice touch…

    Leave a Reply

    Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *