• Solutioning a New Paradigm of Synergistic Managementation

    by  • 4/23/2009 • work • 0 Comments

    Select bits of a job posting that I will not likely be applying for. Maybe marketing shouldn’t be allowed to speak with HR. This is a description of a Systems Analyst as best I can tell, as written by someone who thinks that the more syllables you throw at a sentence, the better, so verbize those nouns with abandon.


    Oh, and adding phrases like “as required” is just word padding. It’s a job; it’s all as required.


    Other phrases I could do without, some in the following listing, some not; on a constant basis, on a going-forward basis, incentivized, do the needful, and actively participate. There’s also obvious pronoun / verb matching that drives me crazy; “We, this team, is working on the needful incentivization…”

    Our Telecommunication Client is looking for a Solution Architect

    A Solution Architect? Isn’t that a bit redundant? Architects aren’t typically hired to create problems… This is a bit like saying your client is looking for a Healing Doctor.

    • Responsible for the technical and infrastructure architecture and integration to support large scale enterprise initiatives
    • Apply technical experience and leadership in technology direction, solutioning, design and development, implementation and support of technical solution encompassing multiple specializations, platforms and technologies
    • Define project scope, plans and deliverables including cost projections and proposed implementation timelines
    • Work collaboratively with selected technology vendors in developing technology options analysis and providing an optimum recommendation that meets the stated requirements in functionality, performance, scalability, reliability and resiliency while minimizing deployment and ongoing support costs
    • Prepare detailed architecture and design documentation suitable for implementation teams and ensure disciplined, methodical and professional design processes are utilized on a consistent basis
    • Actively participate in design reviews to ensure optimum solution delivery and provide technical support and direction to other members of the team
    • Develop and deliver presentations to all levels within the organization including executive level, as required
    • Work closely with peer departments in the Enterprise Architecture, Applications and existing Infrastructure & Operations groups to ensure alignment, effective planning and efficient execution and hand-over between departments
    • Plan and participate in the execution of the necessary testing requirements to validate the technology platforms or systems (laboratory, development, QA, performance, operational readiness)
    • Identify and apply established guidelines to effectively manage technical, product or business risks

    Qualifications expect a lot, albeit abstractly;

    Broad knowledge across the breadth of infrastructure technologies with deep skillsets in one or more of the following competency areas: enterprise class UNIX and X86/X64 platforms, web services, middleware, application messaging, database, enterprise storage solutions, business continuity planning, facilities engineering and security

    “We want someone who knows everything, but someone who REALLY knows everything about one of a group of technical abstractions that we saw mentioned in an eWeek article. You’ll be drafting requests for quotes for a bunch of Dell desktops, but we’re sure that this stuff will make them better.”

    Proven track record of optimizing technological designs to meet business demands is required

    “Our executive team like the colour blue; make sure whatever technology you pick is blue. Sure, it’s leading edge business to business message based middleware, but is it available in blue?”

    Must have experience in methodical, disciplined and professional design processes

    “We said ‘blue’ – what part of that did you not understand? Idiot.”

    Demonstrated ability to leverage existing technical knowledge and experience, conduct research leveraging a variety of tools and sources, while working with chosen technology vendors

    “Everything we have is blue – if we went with what you’re suggesting, it wouldn’t match. Do you even know how this works? Oh, and it has to be from Dell, because the CEO collects an Airmile for every $100 we spend with them.”

    They really want to abuse the lever; what about the inclined plane, the wheel, the pulley? Though, I think you might be covered on the screw…

    Excellent communicator both verbally and in writing, with the ability to frame technology issues in business terms and vice versa, and to effectively manage and confront conflicts and issues

    “Abilityness and readytude to inventize new verbized adjectivitudity seeked, with preferosity instantitized in personities not fearstantiated to flagrantly ignore proper grammartudinous.”

    Hmm… maybe I should apply… It really is a Systems Analysis job, and it’s one that I could likely do well. I assume that the actual listing was generated by a recruiter, and not by the company,

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