Have you ever done something so unusual that you honestly believe that you might have been the one to discover something completely unknown? Perhaps you have discovered a new method of doing something that shaves hours off the way you used to do it? Maybe you have injured yourself in a way that caused all those witnessing to refer to similar levels of lameness as ‘pulling a your-name-here’?

Well, I have managed to do something that I didn’t think physically possible. Well, not that I had considered it and dismissed it as defying two laws of thermodynamics or something. This is something that escapes your thought processes completely, because it’s just silly.

Let’s say you wake up one morning and find a goat in your bathtub, dressed in your dead grandmother’s wedding dress. Assuming that you didn’t just attend your bachelor party, don’t live in a fraternity, or otherwise have a predilection for that sort of thing, this is what I’m talking about when I mean it never entered my consciousness.

I have just managed to stab myself with a potato.

That’s not the worst part; said potato had been mashed.

That’s right; I stabbed myself in two places, and drew blood with mashed potatoes.

Given, I was cleaning dishes that had been left out from last night, and there was one little spike of mashed tuber that I used a finger to remove while running it under water. The bit of starch came off, and embedded itself in my index finger and dug into my thumb as well. I removed it from the wound, and watched blood well up, thinking “that’s not right.”

So yeah, self mutilation with a potato is my newest trick.