I keep meaning to post more about my past; crazy, even illegal things that I did in high school and college. The things that I have mostly forgotten and that only bubble to the surface seemingly at random.

Looking through the NSCAD catalog reminds me of the time I spent in the art & design program at Red Deer College, and of the people I knew at the time.

One of the people I will call Nicole for the purpose of this memoir. She was my primary obsession while at Red Deer College; the one that I thought I had a non-zero probability with. For the zero probabilities as I thought of them at the time there was Paulette, Selina, a 20 year old single mother whose name I have forgotten who had a 5 year old boy, Amber, Wendy, and at least a couple others. I didn’t learn of the non-zero probability of at least one of those girls until it was too late.

I didn’t date in high school. I was a big geek with zero social skill and near zero self esteem. This was pre internet (well, not that long ago, but before anyone outside of universities knew of it) when a geek didn’t have much to hide behind; there were Bulletin Board Systems but those were only ever frequented by those more dorky and depressing than myself. College did little to add to base self esteem outside of the addition of alcohol.

One summer, I was bored and poor and in need of something. I heard about Canadia Forces Communication Reserves training program that ran all summer, and thought it would be an excellent way to avoid life for a while. It paid well though most of that money went to the bar in the Junior Ranks’ Club. I met some cool people, including a couple stunning women and some great people. The group of people I hung out with were an odd bunch; actors, future art and philosophy students. We would gather to watch the oddest movies we could find (Polish Vampire in Burbank, the lesser known of the Monty Python library, etc) or enjoy odd discussions about quite insane topics in probability or about the meaning of life.

I met Grunhilda Future Hippie while in Reserves. She was cool and interesting back then; quite a bit more earthy and grounded than she would grow to be in the 21st century. She wasn’t afraid back then, and she was a great contributing member to this group of pacifists learning to field strip 9mm SMGs who liked watching crappy movies on VHS tape.

After we all (but one) came to our senses and left the military once school started up, we continued to hang out when time allowed. The venue may have changed but the song remained the same. Grunhilda and I had a number of the same art courses and between classes we’d sometimes hang out in the common area of her dorm. That’s where I met Nicole, who was sharing a four-room dorm with Grunhilda and another outgoing art student named Jennifer. They had one other roomie named Stacey, but she was in math and science classes… she had something to do that we didn’t; study. We were artists and the way artists learn is through talking in a bogus english accent while quoting Monty Python or David Lynch productions. God, we were as horrible, pretentious and boring as art students can get; just like the type of art student hipster I hate today.

Condensing things down considerably, I managed to convince Nicole that I wasn’t completely horrible. We were together here and there, and through most of the summer term. I essentially lived at her place in residence that summer until things broke down. She decided that she didn’t like the idea of being In A Relationship and had suggested that it might be good if we saw other people. For whatever reason, I took her at her word, and things ended as soon as I told her that I had met someone else…

She was interested intellectually in an open relatonship… Not so much in the reality of one. I really wonder if anyone is truly prepared for this when it happens… I think Nicole was expecting that she would be the one with another lover, and that I would be the one waitng on her attentions.

I wasn’t aware that she had changed the rules until shortly after I introduced her to a guy I knew from high school; Francois. We sat in the college lounge and had a drink. I wasn’t aware of anything at the time, but a couple days later when I called to take her for breakfast I found out that Francois was now staying at Nicole’s new place. I was hurt that she had kept me in the dark and had opted to move so suddenly in apparent reaction to my own secondary relationship. She wanted another lover but apparently didn’t want me to have one, so when she did find one, she left me.

You have no idea how happy I was when Francois came out of the closet six months later. Ecstatic.

I ran into Nicole years later in Edmonton, and we each apologized for being idiots when we were in college. We went out a couple times, as friends, and old wounds were healed a bit.