I stopped in at 7-11 to get a Slurpee today. I wasn’t thrilled by the flavour selection, so I hit the coolers to pick up a Diet Coke. Wait a minute, why do they have two full shelves of Mountain Dew? And DIET Mountain Dew? This must be some crazy hallucination caused by cold medication. I mean, nobody in Canada actually drinks Mountain Dew, do they?
I take a closer look and notice that it’s new “Mountain Dew ENERGY” and it’s listed as a “Natural Health Product” and an “Energy Drink” on the label. I’m intrigued, so I check the label for more; it has CAFFEINE in it. Not guarana or any other half baked caffeine substitute, but real, life affirming caffeine.
For years (decades? forever?) it was impossible to purchase beverages in Canada that had caffeine in them where caffeine didn’t naturally occur; Jolt could add MORE caffeine, because caffeine was in the product. Many products went on to use guarana in all its overpowering berry flavour, but few applied for license to do it.
Many Americans I talk to don’t understand that Mountain Dew in Canada was uncaffeinated; I mean, why the hell would you drink it otherwise? They didn’t understand my requests for them to smuggle Mountain Dew into Canada for me, or why I’d drive across the border partially just for the Dew.
A side effect of this having to be licensed and approved is that they list exactly how much caffeine is in it; 91mg. The warning and “instructions” are amusing as well;
RECOMMENDED USE: Developed for periods of increased mental and physical exertion. Helps temporarily restore mental alertness or wakefulness when experiencing fatigue or drowsiness.
RECOMMENDED DOSE: Drink 591mL (1 bottle) as needed.
MEDICINAL INGREDIENT: Per 591mL: Caffeine 91mg
CAUTIONS: Contains caffeine. Not recommended for children, pregnant or breat-feeding women, or caffeine-sensitive persons. Do not consume more than 1000mg caffeine per day.
This better fucking stick around, so go buy it, impress them with the sales that they’ll start selling it in larger bottles…