• And you think you had it bad…

    by  • 12/20/2004 • angst, roomies • 0 Comments

    So, your room mate hasn’t cleaned up the kitchen counter after making a sandwich, or maybe they never clean the sink in the bathroom? Well, you might just be doing okay – it’s all about perspective. Has your room mate shat on your stove?

    He shat in a lot of our fixtures. He would put his shit in baggies and leave them in strange places. I was thankfull for when he used a baggie. A few words of advice for potential room-mates: A light fixture is not a toilet. A heating vent is not a toilet. The sink is not a toilet. The oven is not a toilet. That is all.

    True or not, I really love the Home Alone Security System which employed a great decoy feature as well…

    To prevent this system from being discovered, I papered the inside of the sliding door with butcher paper, and I ran a wire outside of the door in an obvious manner, so that the roomie would think that this wire somehow, if tugged correctly, would undo the lock. To my knowledge, all of his attempts to get inside my apartment were by messing with this wire, which was attached to the handle of an antique coffee grinder and a paint can. If you tugged it, you’d get a wierd uneven resistance as the handle crank turned and the paint can danced, which added to the illusion that this wire was some secret way of ingress.

    Beautiful… there are a couple things that make it sound a bit bogus, but there are a lot of signs in there that past roomies of mine have exhibited. None of them have ever, to my knowledge, pissed or shat in my vegetable crisper, though…

    One of the guys on the Sensible Erection thread that I found this at did echo my sentiments;

    There’s crazy fuckers, and then there’s crazy fuckers who put up with living with them. I’m hard-pressed to pick which is crazier. I had a very scaled-down version of this experience when I was in college (was it really 16 years ago?). My ‘Jed’ was an enormous Alaskan named ‘Chaz’. Nothing degenerated into violence, and I don’t recal any fecal incidents, but he was disgusting…

    Mostly because I had a mental image of the “sane” roomie in the main story with his wrench in hand and a motorcycle helmet on his head, leaping around in the common area, jumping over the couch…. Not entirely sane either…

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